emotionally unavailable

7 Signs Someone Is Emotionally Unavailable

By Noell Romatowski

Do you wonder if someone you met is emotionally unavailable? Read this article by The Dating Bliss of the 7 signs someone is emotionally unavailable.

What Is Emotional Availability?

Can you express how you feel about a particular event, idea or thought?

Can the person you are dating, have a romantic relationship or even married to express their feelings?

Emotional availability refers to the ability of a person to share feelings with another person.

We may think or someone may say they are emotional available, but their actions show otherwise.

Let’s explore the 7 signs that someone is emotionally unavailable;


1-Not Letting Their Guard Down..Ever

Someone who is emotionally unavailable, will have a hard time letting their guard down and really saying how they feel about something.

For example, he/she may have had a bad day at work instead of expressing what happened in their day they keep it bottled up inside or say it was fine when it really wasn’t.

Have you dated or known someone where their answer to everything is the same? They don’t ever express what they are actually thinking or their feelings.

2-Not Comfortable With Your Emotions

I once shared a very tragic moment in my life with someone I was getting to know and his lack of any type of response, deer in headlights look, showed me how unavailable he really was. He was so uncomfortable I felt like all he wanted to do was get up and run.

When you share with this person your feelings and they don’t react, have nothing to say, seem distant, even irritated and want to move past the topic is a huge flag they are emotionally unavailable.

To have that person sit and listen, a shoulder to cry on, lend a helping hand and be supportive means they are emotionally available.


3-Their Past Remains A Mystery

A person who won’t talk about their past, diverts the conversation or may even get angry when you bring it up is a sign they aren’t emotionally available.

In order to get to know someone, past is part of you, not saying you have divulge every little detail, but sharing about you and your past builds trust, intimacy and truly getting to know someone.

I once dated a guy that I started to realize that I knew nothing about his dating life and when I asked him about it he would say we are in the present why go back in the past. NOT EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE or he has something serious to hide.

If a person is a closed book, doesn’t care to open up at all in time about their past the writing is on the wall.

4-Hurry, Change the Subject

I like to call this one the emotion switch that goes off. As soon as you start sharing your feelings or even going to a place of emotions the switch goes off!

They completely change the subject, start watching TV, even walk away or leave the room as you are sharing or speaking.

For emotionally available people, they will look to any means or ways to divert having to listen or talk about yours or their emotions or feelings.

5-Using Jokes And Sarcasm

Have you ever noticed a person who brushes everything off with a joke or sarcasm? Even tragic things in life they make a joke about.

Instead of sharing their feelings of disappointment, anger, fear for example they try to act like it’s no big deal and may even seem disconnected from it all.

Dr. Kubala also describes below how someone can make you feel when you are sharing your feelings.

“They may belittle, mock, or ‘laugh away’ serious topics that are introduced and engage in gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse that causes the victim to question himself when, in fact, he is entitled to ask the normal questions he is asking,” Dr. Kendra Kubala, PsyD, a licensed psychologist, told INSIDER

Read article on Gaslighting :https://thedatingbliss.com/top-9-warning-signs-of-gaslighting

6-Devaluing Your Feelings

When you express how you feel about not getting a raise and they say to you that you are over reacting, no one gets raises at your company, better luck next time, that all makes you feel not supported or your feelings aren’t valid.

Sometimes we don’t know what to say or we are trying to cheer up the person, but sometimes it’s better to just say I am sorry and I am here to listen.

It actually can create this person to not share their feelings or emotions with you and shut down in that way in the friendship or relationship.

They feel like their feelings don’t matter or aren’t validated.

When someone tells you it is going to be fine and brushes you off it makes one shut down and it hurts the emotional intimacy in the relationship.


7-They Want Physical Intimacy Over Emotional Intimacy

Both physical and emotional intimacy are very important in a relationship.

That being said for someone who is emotionally unavailable they will want to rush the physical intimacy all together before any type of emotional intimacy is established.

This way the emotionally unavailable person doesn’t have to deal with the messiness, the seriousness or complications that can and will come with a relationship.

If someone is really trying to get to know you and where you have been in your life they are trying to emotionally connect with you.

Someone who doesn’t want to talk or ever have any conversation, but wants to be physical ,is someone who wants just that and can’t, won’t and doesn’t want to be emotionally intimate.

Time To Evaluate?

Is it time to evaluate in your life whether it be friendship, romantic interests, loved ones and family members if they are emotionally available?

I think everyone likes to “think” they are emotionally available. This can also change throughout one’s life depending on current status and events.

It is good to truly understand what that means. I hope this article has helped shed some light on emotionally unavailable people that may be in your life currently.

Would love to hear from you after reading this after your thoughts and experiences.


The Dating Bliss


About Noell Romatowski

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